HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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