So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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