I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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