I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
