Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
