Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
its not stalking. its research.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
