I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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