So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
