I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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