were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
