You're so nebulous sometimes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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