in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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