I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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