Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
