Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
