My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
