Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
