Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
