I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
