So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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