I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
