I'm drive I can fine osifer
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
