apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
