So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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