He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
