it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
