In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
