youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize