there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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