dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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