Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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