Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
