Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
