Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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