found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
