I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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