Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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