Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
