Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
