Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
