I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
