So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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