You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They took my balls.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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