my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
