please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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