I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
