Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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