The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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