She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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