i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize