Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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