I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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