I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
