At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
