I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
