I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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