you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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