This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
