My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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