Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
