3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you still have your period?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
