i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
