We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
