I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize