So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there was a trapeze. enough said
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
