State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
