I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
