Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
