I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
