The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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