it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
