Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize