just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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