I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
