they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
